Hope Bringers

"I lost hope a long time ago."

I can't get his words out of my head. Ninety minutes ago I was sitting across the table from Daniel and that's what he said to me. Part of me wanted to cry. Part of me didn't know what to say. Part of me wanted to say, "What are you talking about? You're 14 years old. You don't even have a 'long time ago.'"

The conversation started innocently enough...

"What's your favorite band right now?"
"You wouldn't know it."
"I can look it up."
"You wouldn't like it. It's death metal. You like death metal?"
"No, not really. But I like people. And music is important to people, so I like to hear what they like."
"I like Emmure. And that's a good band." (pointing to his friend's Suicide Silence T-shirt - then continues...) "I'm not really religious."
"Neither am I. I just love Jesus."
Silence...so I continued...
"Jesus made a habit of pissing off religious people."
More silence. (But I think I saw a slight grin in there.)
"Well, I don't really believe in God at all. I lost hope a long time ago. Too much has happened."
"Anything you want to talk about?"
"No. Not really."
"Okay. That's fine."

I can't stop thinking about Daniel. I want to know what happened that made him lose hope. And I don't want to know. I want to forget about him and get back to my comfortable life. And I want to seek him out, hang out with him, look him square in the eye and say, "That God you don't believe in thinks your valuable. You might not. But He does. Not just sort of valuable - but worth-dying-for valuable."

I don't know if I helped Daniel at all. Maybe that's not the point. Maybe God's point tonight was to break my heart a little bit. (He did.) Maybe God wanted to remind me to be fully present when I'm talking to someone. Maybe He wanted to open my eyes a little wider to the truth that many of His children lost hope a long time ago. Maybe part of God's answer to my prayer "Your Kingdom come..." is to make myself available as a bringer of hope - even if it's only through a short conversation about death metal.

Nope - I can't stop thinking about Daniel. And what scares me the most is that I might wake up tomorrow and not be thinking about Daniel. May it not be so...